Mad Brit Diary

Goalkeepers: Soccer's unfortunate necessity.

(Friday, April 18, 2003) -- The Mad Brit is not too keen on goalkeepers.

A goalie broke his leg once. The Mad Brit had already put two beauties in the net and was just about to get his third for a 6-2 win when Attila the Hun on a bad hair day, came running out with his razor-sharp, steel studs looking for blood. Well you get the drift. It was nasty.

Everyone heard the crunch and suspected the worst. The MB was in pain; in shock, and begging for a good cuppa tea, as it was a cold day and the field was muddy. The goalie never said sorry, in fact he smiled with a kind of Saddam Hussein grin after showing Sean Penn the door.

The ambulance had to climb a steep hill to pick up the wounded Brit who faced six bleak months before he could kick a ball again. His wife threatened to divorce him if he ever played again. Do you know how difficult the simplest activities are with a full cast on your leg?

While in surgery it was discovered that the right leg had been fractured once and healed by itself. Well, the MB remembered that kick too. It took place on some shabby field in a tough area of Aston in the Midlands, when some thug-looking skinhead, posing as defender put him out of action just after he'd had a try-out for the Warwickshire Boys Club's team.

Yeah, the MB doesn't forget. Beware of goalies, they are all slightly mad. We need them, but they are a strange breed. Think Renee Higita, Jorge Campos, Oliver Kahn, Renee Higuita, Jose Luis Chilavert, Fabien Barthez, David James, Tony Meola and Walter Zenga -- all crazy; all a bit on the nutty side.

Brad Friedel is the only sane one out there these days and he even collects baseball caps! Can you imagine having to play in front of Peter Schmeichel, known for constantly barking at his defenders. You make a mistake and Schmeichel is down your throat. Even the thug-like Roy Keane shuddered when the Danish keeper was in a bad mood back in his Manchester United days.

And how can you argue with a 6-foot-4, 230-pound Viking descendant, built like the Terminator? Schmeichel, now with Manchester City, announced he was retiring from the game last week. "My body is not happy any more," said the Dane. But the defenders at Man. City are happy and broke out the champagne. Well, not really. Forget all I just said.

The lanky Schmeichel was a great keeper. He played 128 games for Denmark, was a star at Brondby (1987-91), Manchester United (1991-1999), Sporting Lisbon (1999-2001), Aston Villa (2001-2002) and Manchester City (2002-2003).

And then there's Arsenal goalkeeper David Seaman who pulled off a miraculous save in his 1000th start for the London club in the F.A. Cup semifinal against Sheffield United this week. The Brit press is still drooling over it. With five minutes left on the clock, Seaman leapt back like a cat in heat as he got a touch on Paul Peshisolido's header. Some Sheffield players were already celebrating the goal. In his 40th year, Seaman pulled off what might be his best save to date.

Very nice, says the Mad Brit, who can't look at Seaman without seeing him stranded in the goal at Shizuoka Stadium in Japan watching Ronaldinho's cross sail over him into the corner of the net as Brazil doomed England in the quarterfinals of the 2002 World Cup.

The MB still has a recurring nightmares about that goal. The bad dreams always end with that Ronaldinho smile. "I really did mean to score," says the Brazilian in the dream, "but isn't that English goalie, with the pony-tail a jerk." ("And there's an early cold shower waiting for you mate," chuckles the MB, waving a red card.) Yeah, I know, Seaman was given an award recently for the most number of clean sheets over 10 years in the Premier League. The Great Seaman had 130 shutouts since 1992 in the EPL.

Sir David Frost said Seaman was a man you could "go into the jungle with," in a glowing profile of the keeper shown on Brit TV last year. All the Mad Brit can say to that is: Where have you gone Gordon Banks. A nation turns its lonely eyes to you.

Under French coach Arsene Wenger's seven-year rein at Arsenal, 48 players have been red-carded.

Ruud van Nisterooy has now tied the 18 penalty kicks that Eric Cantona converted at Manchester United. The Dutchman has already notched 37 goals this season. And get this, he has scored 73 goals in 96 games for the Red Devils. Now that is brilliant.

If you think Nistelrooy is good, keep an eye on his fellow countryman, Roy MaKaay, who has scored 26 goals at Deportivo in Spain.

It's official, Sunderland is relegated and West Bromwich Albion is staring the drop in the face. Who will be the third victim? West Ham United, Bolton Wanderers, Birmingham City or Fulham.

Now the Black Cats are down, American midfielder Claudio Reyna may be put on the selling block. Sunderland is reportedly losing $47,000 a day and is currently $40 million in debt. Reyna is said to be worth $2.3 million.

But congrats to Portsmouth who go up to play top-flight soccer for the first time in 15 years and for the first time in the Premier League.

The Premier League looks back on 10 years. David Beckham's goal in 1996 against Wimbledon has been voted the goal of the decade. Posh Boy's strike was scored from the halfway line -- 60 yards -- in the Red Devils win over the Crazy Gang. Alan Shearer and Eric Cantona were voted best players of the EPL's first decade. Shearer was voted the best domestic player while Cantona was the best overseas star

The EPL team of the decade was: Peter Schmeichel; Gary Neville, Tony Adams, Marcel Desailly, Denis Irwin; David Beckham, Patrick Vieira, Paul Scholes, Ryan Giggs; Eric Cantona and Alan Shearer.

Juan Sabalones in an excellent long analysis of the recent Real Madrid vs. Man U. game says: As good as United is, it is a different team from Real and, for whatever reason, it let Real play its game. It seemed as if Manchester wanted to show that it could play Real's game, which is strange given it was lacking its most creative "European style" player, Veron. Bill Foulkes, Nobby Stiles, Steve Bruce or Gary Pallister would have had Zidane's or Figo's face in the turf a lot more frequently.

Ken Stoltzfus says: "Only one reason Mad Sir Alex downplays the World Cup -- The Scottish national team."

Knapp continues to trash David Beckham: "Judging on his career. Free kicks and crosses. That's it."

But Knapp, what about all those assists?

Valery Villena trumpets Spain's La Liga: "La Liga Espaņola is superior to the English Premier League. It is not even close! La Liga has a whole bunch of competitive teams whereas the EPL is extremely top-heavy." The EPL "only has two teams" that will compete for the title: Arsenal and Manchester United. To say that there are several more teams would be lying to yourself."

Hey Valery, I though La Liga only had two teams: Real and Barca. Just joking.

But what about Liverpool, Leeds, Newcastle and Chelsea. Jeff Chambers counters with: "By the way, regarding this whole silly notion that the EPL isn't of the quality that it might be, I'd just like to laugh out loud. The simple fact is the EPL has, oh, maybe, EIGHT teams that can deliver the goods on a given day. What other league can claim that?"

Precisely, Jeff. Sanity finally reigns.

Heard a rumor, have a gripe or a tip? Feeling lonely? E-mail the Mad Brit at themadbrit3@aol.com.