Mad Brit Diary

Football excellence is just a distant Scottish memory.

(Saturday, February 22, 2003) -- Oh Flower of Scotland when will we see Your like again. . .

These are bleak days for Scottish soccer. Not so long ago, Scotland was giving Brazil a run for its money in the opening game of the 1998 World Cup in Paris and was unlucky to lose 2-1. Now the Scottish national team can't get past the part-timers of the Faroe Islands. It will be a miracle if the Scots, guided by German coach Bertie Vogts, qualify for Euro 2004 in Portugal.

Vogts' job security must be razor-thin. In 12 games under the former German national-team coach, who led the Euro '96 championship run, the Scots have only beaten Iceland and Canada. The Mad Brit has a fondness for Scotland. He spent a year exiled in the windy coastal town of Dunbar and took a liking to haggis (heart, lungs and liver of a sheep or calf mixed with oatmeal and boiled in a pigs stomach).

There are three pictures on The Mad Brit's bathroom wall (I know it's strange, but the wife won't allow soccer pictures on the bedroom wall). One is of Pele trading shirts with Bobby Moore at the 1970 World Cup; another is of Bobby Charlton unleashing a rocket. The third shows Scottish ace Dennis Law tearing up a defense in a Manchester United jersey. If only Scotland had a player like Dennis Law today.

After England and the United States, the Mad Brit will always root for the Scots. It is sad that so many Scottish fans ALWAYS root against England. Let bygones be bygones lads, or I'll bring up the Battle of Dunbar (1649). Just joking. Over the years, Scotland has churned out plenty of star quality. Along with Law, there was Roy Aitken, Asa Hartford, Willie Carr, Billy Bremner, Graeme Souness , Richard Gough, Gary McAllister, Alex McLeish, Bruce Rioch, Stuart McCall and the great Kenny Dalglish. A few of The Mad Brit's favorites just to name a few.

Those players had flair and guts; Scotland played exciting and attacking soccer. To be honest, its hard to think of a Scottish player these days who could stand next to some of the names above. What about Barry Ferguson, Paul Lambert and Christian Dailly, you say? Sorry The Mad Brit is not convinced. Scotland sadly looks boring these days.

The United States has more big-name stars than Scotland. Even Wales, the traditional weak sister of the, "Home Countries" -- England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland -- can boast so much talent today, what with Ryan Giggs, Robby Savage, Craig Bellamy, Gary Speed, John Hartson and Simon Davies, while Scotland is devoid of star quality. Just think about those Welsh players I named. There are dribbling skills, tireless effort and guts.

Scotland is now ranked 60th in the FIFA world rankings behind Thailand (54), Trinidad & Tobago (49) and Iran (32). The United States is 10th. It may have something to do with Scotland's Premier League. In days gone by, the Old Firm -- Glasgow Rangers and Glasgow Celtic -- produced the cream of Scotland's lineup. If you played for Rangers or Celtic, you were on your way to wearing the blue of Saint Andrew. But now its hard for a Scottish-born player to get into the Old Firm lineup, there are so many foreigners on the rosters.

The Mad Brit watched an Old Firm game recently and there weren't too many Scottish sounding names -- maybe Celtic had more than Rangers. OK, so the English Premier League is full of foreigners too, but the difference is there is that there are so many talented English players coming down the pipeline. You know the names. An English player, Michael Owen, was named European "Footballer of the Year" and David Beckham is high in the pecking order on the world stage. I could go on. Wayne Rooney, Ashley Cole, Ledley King.

Scotland's Premier League is a farce these days. With their foreign-legion of aging stars, Rangers and Celtic dominate at will. And I bet Frank De Boer and Claudio Caniggia don't eat haggis. Well, The Mad Brit says Rangers and Celtic should join England's Premier League, but that won't happen soon. It would mean fewer European places for the English clubs, who would be against it. But it would certainly make the Scottish league more competitive with the big two Glasgow Clubs out of the picture.

Just think about Manchester United and Arsenal taking on Celtic and Rangers regularly -- mouth watering. As the famous anti-English song goes, "Those days are past now\And in the past they must remain\But we can still rise now\And be the nation again\That stood against him\Proud Edward's Army\And sent him homeward\Tae think again."

While clearing out the castle this week, the Mad Brit found a copy of the Birmingham Daily Post dated February 16, 1897. That's Birmingham, England, folks. Inside the fading 106-year-old paper, smelling of vinegar and crumbling in the hand, The Mad Brit came across an interesting story in the soccer column that is reprinted below:

An Unfounded Charge

On Saturday, a commission of six members the Northwich and District Elementary Schools Football League spent fours hours investigating the charge which has provoked much comment of "hocusing" a team of schoolboy footballers by putting whiskey in their coffee at half-time. Their allegations arose out of a protest by Witton School against the result of a match with Danebridge in the competition for the Sir John Brunner's silver shield.

Mr. J. Wood, headmaster of Witton School, laid the objection that the result of the match, which was a victory for Danebridge by 11 goals to 3, on the ground that the majority of the Witton boys were rendered helpless by the coffee supplied them at half-time. Eight members asserted, "that soon after drinking the coffee, they felt dizzy and lost control of their legs," and one had to leave the field. Asworth, the only boy who drank no coffee, was the only member of the team who was not affected. The following resolution was carried by five votes to one:

"That after an exhausted inquiry, the commission is of opinion that the coffee was not tempered with." (Note from TMB: Witton School is a stone's throw from Aston Villa's Villa Park).

Just above this story was the Third Round Draw for the Association [FA Cup] Cup: Dr. Morley (Blackburn Rovers) made the draw. Games to be played on Feb. 27 1897. Everton v. Blackburn Rovers; Derby County v. Southampton; Preston North End v. Aston Villa; Liverpool v. Notts Forest. (Note: Aston Villa went on to win the Cup in 1897)

Heard a rumor, have a gripe or a tip? E-mail the Mad Brit at themadbrit3@aol.com.