Mad Brit Diary

Man. U. takes the bucks, Real gets the prize.

(Friday, June 20, 2003) -- A warning to readers from the editor: The recent sale of David Beckham to Real Madrid has not gone down well with the Mad Brit. He has not been seen in his office since Tuesday.

The article below was the last thing left on his computer. Further reading could damage your health. The Mad Brit is a Real Madrid fan. He's learning Spanish. In fact the Mad Brit is not really British at all, he's from Spain. Forget the defeat of the Spanish Armada and Francis Drake, that was all a big mistake.

The Mad Brit is really the Mad Spaniard. He lives on the Puerto de Sol next door to Real Madrid boss Vicente del Bosque. Recently, he spent hours at the Basilica de San Isidro praying for a boy who lives in the city of Manchester. Alas, his prayers were not heard. David Beckham is leaving Manchester United.

The Red Devils are off-loading Becks for $41.2 million, so the Mad Brit must leave town too. Suicide is out of the question, so it will have to be a plane ticket to Madrid. Maybe a bullfight is in the cards. It's all a Nike plot. Kobe Bryant, LeBron James and Mia Hamm are all in on it. They all despise Becks for wearing adidas boots and the $5 million he earns from the German company.

Then there's Coca-Cola. The MB will never drink Coke again. Go Pepsi, it pay Becks $3.4 million a year. Go Water. The Mad Brit is sponsored by Water. Water pays the MB exactly $0 a year. Goodbye to England. Goodbye Old Trafford. Goodbye Paul Scholes. Goodbye to Ole Gunner. Goodbye Ruud. Becks will destroy you all in the Champions League.

And you Alex Ferguson -- you who should have retired to Aberdeen a year ago -- may you choke on your his haggis and bagpipes. Well, not really, just a joke. The MB is just a tad upset that the golden boy has been shown the door by the bosses at Old Trafford. The maestro passer has been sold to the highest bidder on the world market. "Get him out the door before he becomes a free agent," was probably Alex Ferguson's mantra for the last few months.

Can you imagine what Ferguson is now saying in his bathroom every morning? "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all? I brought that cockney brat here for nothing when he was 14-years-old, now we're making a $41 million profit on the pretty boy. I am God."

Ferguson is laughing his way down the corridors of Old Trafford: "I am God, a Scottish God. It was I who made this team. The brat is gone forever. . . Hey, Ole. Go get me a Guinness or you're back on the bench next season."

Now that Becks is out the door and out of sight, Ferguson is spilling the dirt to the American publication Sports Illustrated. He says that marriage changed Beckham and changed him into a "different person." Earth to Ferguson: That's what marriage does, it changes people and is meant to. Yeah Alex, it changed Dave into a person who cares about his kids and doesn't condemn them to nannies, or, ship them off to those posh and snobby "public (private in the United States) boarding schools" like most of the wealthy Brits do, excluding Paul MacCartney."

"He was blessed with great stamina, the best of all the players I've had here," Ferguson tells the American magazine. "After training, he'd always be practicing, practicing, practicing. But his life changed when he met his wife. She's in pop and David got another image. He's developed this 'fashion thing.' I saw his transition to a different person."

You're only jealous Alex, because he kicks footballs into goals and not at people, and wears better suits than you. Go blow your bubble gum. The Mad Brit knows all you Beckham-haters are predicting his failure at Real. You've been sticking pins in your voodoo dolls since that Mad Danish referee Kim Milton Nielsen red-carded the youngster in 1998.

I know where your igloo is Nielsen. Sol Campbell and I know your address. You robbed Sol of a great goal back then. But Becks will blossom in Madrid. So take it easy Luis Figo, Dave will be doing all the fancy work in the middle of the field with you and Zinedine Zidane. Raul and Ronaldo will be putting them in the net like never before.

Fellow Brit Steve McManaman can give Becks a few pointers. And Roberto Carlos better let Becks take the free kicks. We all know that Roberto is famous for that breathtaking 40-yard free kick for Brazil against France six years ago, bending it around a wall and past Fabien Barthez. That was long ago. The 29-year-old Brazilian's success rate on free kicks is far below that of Beckham's.

May the last person leaving at Old Trafford turn the lights out.

Steve H writes: "Are you selling any of that crack you're smoking? Becks is overrated, not that he isn't a very good player, but worth 30 million pounds? Sure Becks "helped" Man Yoo win eight English Premier League titles in 11 years, but he didn't do it single-handedly either. He had some of the best talent money could buy at his side (Roy Keane, Ryan Giggs, Rio, etc.). . . If Becks weren't English, I don't think you'd be so in love with his game, so maybe it's you who's naive and stupid."

Quincy Girigorie writes: "Mad Brit, in your last diary, you wrote about all that David Beckham did for England in the last World Cup, comparing him to what Zinedine Zidane couldn't do for France. I like Beckham a lot too. His passing skills are superb, he has a tremendous view of the game and can hit the ball like very few can. But what you said about Ziadane was foolishness. Zidane is one of the best in the game right now."

Veteran coach Bill McLean says: "Yes, Mad Brit. I'm one of those stupid, naive folks who think that Beckham showed his true colors at the last World Cup. As a former coach\player, I look at Beckham perhaps a little more closely than the punters who like results. I see a player who can't tackle, who is still learning to head the ball, who hasn't a clue when it comes to heading a defensive ball. He throws himself up in the air, often gyrating as he does, so that his back often ends up facing the player he's trying to guard, as well as having no idea where the ball is. He can't hold a ball like Figo or Zidane -- one reason is his balance which is poor. He goes down far too easily."

Alex Whitney writes: "I had not heard (Johan) Cruyff's views on Beckham, nor any other recent player for that matter, so this was particularly interesting. While I have my doubts on how much of an impact Beckham can make (particularly for Real, I don't see him ever beating Figo out), Cruyff is one of the greatest coaching minds and an astonishingly keen judge of talent. While Real has recently had stunning domestic success, and unfathomable Euro success, what Cruyff accomplished at Barcelona in the late 1980s and early '90s had not been done for a long time. The man knows his players, and since I wish no ill for Beckham, I hope he's right.

Penya14 says: "I do like Beckham a lot, mostly because he is not a typical English player. After all it's not every day you see an English player who can actually trap and pass a ball, but surely he is not worth $45million. Beckham will be a reserve deluxe at Real and while I would not mind seeing him at my Barcelona, not at that price. For that money, we can get some much needed help at the back. Still Beckham in Spain might mean that ESPN might show some of the games next season.

Chris Ferris says they all know Becks in Texas: "To get a sense of how much the Beckham drama has permeated even American culture, you have to look no further than my office here in Houston. I've got guys in my office who wouldn't know a soccer ball if it hit them on the head asking me about where I think Beckham is going and why he is worth so much money."

John-Pierre Smollins adds: "If he (Beckham) does leave and Man. U. falls behind Arsenal and Liverpool, Sir Alex will be banished from the island."

Pat Dintino says: "Mad Brit, another great ramble, and I agree that Beckham is much better than people give him credit for. I've never seen anyone deliver such accurate crosses -- he is a playmaker from the wing. Perhaps Fergie wants to get rid of him because he's embarrassed that he didn't play him the whole game in the Champions League versus Madrid. What a foolish mistake that Beckham made obvious by scoring almost immediately upon entering the game. How can anyone keep a weapon like that on the bench?"

Pat Hambone writes: "The Mad-Hatter Brit: What's all this talk about David Beckham? He's a good player, not a great player. He is a marketing dream, a modern day "Ken & Barbie" along with Posh. If he is such a brilliant player, why doesn't Alex Fergusmoan play him in the central midfield role he so dearly covets? And don't even get me started about his defensive ability. Argentina and England in World Cup 1998 is a prime example. This is all about making an excellent business decision for Man. U. and proof that any team is more important than one individual. For $143,000 a week, you should be able to do more than cross the ball and strike dead balls. He just does not score enough in my opinion."

Jason Tingle makes us all see the truth when he says: "Anyone who bad mouths David Beckham as an overrated player is either an idiot, never seen him play or is suffering from Beckham-lash (the latter is understandable). Beckham is without a doubt one of the most important players for Man. U. and England. He never quits. He really embodies one the "never say die" spirit that I love about Man. U. and EPL football in general. I was angry when I first heard about Man U selling him, but I've grown into it and I'd love to see him play at Real Madrid and take his game to another level. I am still bitter about the way Man. U. has gone about selling him, classless in my opinion."

Paul Lorinczi gives us another angle when he writes: "It is purely about economics. I believe John Brewin points out that by selling Beckham, Man. Utd.'s books will show their Rio purchase to be revenue neutral. This should make the Man. U. shareholders happy. I personally think Beckham should take the money and run. If he is as good as we think he is, then he should challenge himself in another league. As you pointed out, he has nothing more to prove in the EPL, he has done it all there."

Jeff (ManUnited246) writes: "I just finished your article about a world gone mad and David Beckham's transfer to Real, and I must say I think you are way off the mark in your estimation of Beckham's abilities. Beckham is a quality player, there is no question, but he is not a great one. Despite all his crossing and free kick talents, Beckham falls just short of the truly world-class stratosphere occupied by new teammates Zinedine Zidane and Ronaldo. He commands such a large fee because of the financial power his image carries. But on a footballing note, he lacks the ability to take the game in his hand and turn it around as we have seen time and time again by the likes of Luis Figo, Zidane, Ronaldo, Ronaldinho, (Juan Sebastian) Veron, etc., because of his inability to take people on and find the killer pass.

"The reason he had been so instrumental in Man. United attack up until recently is United's old dependence on playing down the sides. However, this is not a style that can take you to the top. It is too predictable, too easy to defend, and with Man. United altering its style slightly to fit European competition, Beckham is not an essential player. Just look at some of United's most impressive results this season where Beckham started on the bench (4-0 Liverpool, 6-2, 5-2 Newcastle United, 2-2 Arsenal). Now, before you start labeling me a Beckham hater, take into consideration that I am a huge Man. United fan and have been following them since I was 7 ( I am now 15). I find your implication that Beckham is as good as Zidane to be ridiculous and suggest you sit and watch either one of the Man. U.-Real games. I'm sure you will find at least 4 -5 players in both games with a greater impact on each game."

Jerry Redd writes: "You are so right! I'd hate to see Beckham leave Man. U., but seeing him play with a guy like Ronaldo would be crazy. Honestly, I was upset to see him leave, but I never thought of it like you. Anyway, all those Beckham haters should shut up. He's worth whatever happens and I can't wait till this is settled. Thanks for your thoughtful essay on a touchy subject."

Clem Becker says: "I personally feel it was a good decision by Man. U. and in the long run it will be a good fit Beckham and Real. He won't have to worry about defending with Makelele there."

WeLiveinDC says: "Tim Howard needs two years in (England's) First Division to develop his skills?! What is Nick Camilleri smoking? Tim Howard is ready for the Champions League NOW!".

Heard a rumor, have a gripe or a tip? Feeling lonely? E-mail the Mad Brit at themadbrit3@aol.com.