Mad Brit Diary

Little nations make world soccer compelling.

(Friday, September 12, 2003) -- Some years back, German legend Franz Beckenbauer aired his frustration about all those dinky, little countries he said clogged up the World Cup qualifying process.

At the time, the Kaiser was upset that his mighty Germany had to play some country called Albania. Franz wanted those little countries to have a pre-qualifying around before meeting the big and "important" teams. Poor Franz, who owns more Mercedes than you and I will ever have, was expecting a weekend on the Riviera instead, but now he had to dust off his old map of Europe and figure out where Albania was.

Well, the Mad Brit, thinks the very talented and esteemed Franz had it all wrong. All those little countries make international soccer exciting. That's the great thing about soccer, the small teams always get a chance, whether it's the Cup finals in England, France or Italy, or the U.S. Open Cup in the USA, or the European Championship and World Cup. Soccer gives the little guy an opportunity to steal some headlines.

You can't imagine the gridiron New York Giants playing a team from Rochester or the New York Yankees playing a baseball team from Schenectady. One wonders how Franz felt recently when Germany, with a population of 82 million, was held to a 0-0 tie in Iceland with a population of 274,000. We know how the guys from Reykjavik felt over smoked herring that night as they warmed their weary feet in an Icelandic hot spring -- very good indeed.

Who would have thought Iceland could put up such a fight against the three-time World Cup champion? That's soccer. The game doesn't close the door on the little guy, Franz. Just this week, the Mad Brit was a nervous wreak as Liechtenstein (population: 32,000) held England, along with David Beckham, Michael Owen and Wayne Rooney, scoreless for 45 minutes at Manchester United's Old Trafford. Finally, Owen and Rooney won the game 2-1 in the second half, but not after a few scares, especially when Mario Fink stole through the English defense and got a shot on goal. What a hero he would have been, if David James had slipped up.

Once again, imagine how those Liechtenstein lads felt over their half-time tea and biscuits in Manchester. Think of it. Half of Liechtenstein's population must be, say, 15,000 males and 5,000 of those males, make up the soccer-playing age group of 17-to-35 year olds. So if you're a young man with decent soccer skills and a native of Liechtenstein, you have a decent shot of making the national team and competing against the likes of Beckham, Owen and Rooney.

Actually, the kingdom of Liechtenstein, a stinking rich country that sits in the Alps between Switzerland and Austria, has produced some talent. The team's goalkeeper, Peter Jehle plays for Swiss club Zurich Grasshoppers. Jehle had been scouted by Liverpool and Juventus. And Liechtenstein's record striker (with four goals), Fink has played with Hellas Verona in Italy's Serie A.

Remember, England could only beat Liechtenstein 2-0 at the nation's 3,548-capacity stadium in March. Last week, the tiny kingdom actually got a point in a 1-1 tie with Macedonia (population: 2 million) -- think north of Greece.

Let's look at some other tiny European countries competing in Euro 2004 qualifying games. Draw your chairs up closely now, the Mad Brit is giving you a real geography lesson today. San Marino (population: 25,000), known as the oldest republic in the world and situated on the Italian peninsula, has given up 30 goals in eight games in Euro 2004 qualifying.

The foggy and rocky Faroe Islands (population: 40,000), high up in the Norwegian Sea, which once downed Austria, held Scotland to a 2-2 tie on September 7, 2002. Germany could only beat the Faroe sheep farmers 2-1 a month later, last October 16. The Faroes have actually have scored seven goals while giving up 18 in Euro qualifying. And this week, the Mediterranean island of Malta (population. 383,000) claimed its first point of the Euro 2004 campaign with a hard-fought 2-2 draw in Israel, a result that destroyed Israel's hopes of snatching a playoff berth.

Andorra, stuck high in the Pyrenees mountains between France and Spain, have conceded 18 goals, but did manage a goal in a 2-1 loss to group winner Bulgaria. Then, there's Luxembourg (population: 432,000), squeezed in between France, Germany and Belgium, which has given up 20 goals in seven games and didn't find the net once in qualifying play.

Hey, the little guys still live in hope and they can't wait for World Cup qualifying to come around next year. As for Franz and the German team, it's time to get ready for the big game at home against Iceland on October 11.

Jeff Chambers writes: "Madman, good insights on (Claudio) Reyna. I personally believe (his transfer to Machester City) will be a brilliant move for him since he will work under Keegan whom I greatly admire for his work ethic and passion over the years. I don't believe anyone has gotten more from the talent God gave him than did Kevin. And we will forgive him for the hair over the years.

"He will bring out the best Reyna can be. Further, he and (Steve) McManaman will dramatically improve the squad, even if Claudio will be employed at a wide back slot, which I suspect."

Rob Bokman tells us: "Just responding to your request for information on Edgar David's goggles. He wears the Oakley "Water Jacket." I wear them myself. (P.S., check oakley.com)."

Richard Barrios says: "Dear MB, Edgar Davids wears Oakley Sun glass frames, not goggles. Any optician carries a wide selection of protective sport goggles with or without corrective lenses."

Ernesto Ruiz says: "How can you say that Luis Figo is not a really great player? He's been named "Player of the Year," won the Champions League more than once, and won the La Liga as a starter on the world's greatest team of all time, REAL MADRID. You just say that because he plays for Real."

Rich Perry writes: "I feel that I have to take issue with Gabi Mitchell's e-mail claiming that 'The reason why (Scottish powers) haven't joined the English Premier League is because the dominant clubs south of the border lack the guts and brawn to battle it out with the rabid Scots.' Don't new Premiership clubs need to come from Division 1 of the (English) Football League? And don't new Football League clubs need to come from the Conference? I don't know this for certain, but I assume that there is some sort of legal agreements for these arrangements. Am I correct in so assuming? If so, then as I've seen reported elsewhere, the only way for the Old Firm to join the Premiership is to start at the very bottom."

"I had actually asked\suggested that perhaps (Glasgow's) Rangers and Celtic could enter their youth and\or reserve teams and let them play their way up through the various leagues. Would it be legal under FIFA\UEFA bylaws for a club to be in two separate leagues? It is if it's the Champions League. The two main teams would play on in Scotland, until it came time for them to start playing in England, perhaps when they had qualified for Division 1. This would require a gamble though, as I believe they would have to give two year's notice before leaving their league, so if the second team faltered after the teams had put in to drop out of the Scottish Premiership, then perhaps they could be stuck playing in the second or third division."

Bruno J asks: "Since you know so much about goings on in Britain, is there any indication where United States veteran Chris Armas may be headed? People in Chicago have said Coventry and Wolverhampton have been keeping tabs on him and Sunderland really wants him after Claudio Reyna told Mick McCarthy to go and get him. What is his contract status with MLS -- some say he is free after this year and he can get a million-dollar contract."

(Bruno: Armas' contract with the Fires expires after this season and Norwich City of England has inquired about him.)

Heard a rumor, have a gripe or a tip? Feeling lonely? E-mail the Mad Brit at themadbrit3@aol.com.