Mad Brit Diary

England should show Sven the door.

(Friday, August 6, 2004) -- After a quarterfinal showing at the 2002 World Cup and a quarterfinal place at Euro 2004, it's time for England to find a new coach. Sven-Goran Eriksson needs to go.

We liked you Sven. You even did good at times -- thrashing Germany 5-1 in Munich was delicious -- but it's time to take your money and walk. You are too much of a distraction. Your private life - as describe in headlines such as "Important Man Has Affair With Lowly Secretary" -- is bigger news than your coaching ability, and only you are to blame for this fiasco.

Fraternization between bosses and lower employees in any company is always ripe for scandal and discouraged. Remember, Sven, you are the coach of England! Again -- the coach of England. The Three Lions.

Having said all of the above, it's going to cost the Football Association a pretty penny to get rid of Eriksson, a rather nice man who seems to have a habit for falling for beautiful women. Eriksson signed a lucrative deal before Euro 2004 and the FA would have to pay him to the tune of $20-plus million if the Swedish coach is fired.

Eriksson has done OK in his tenure, but it's not good enough. England needs a coach with fresh and new ideas, and a coach that can keep his face out of the scandal sheets and other people's sheets.

For the moment, Eriksson seems to have survived a major sex scandal after it was revealed he and his boss at the FA were having an affair with the same secretary at the ruling body's posh Soho Square office in glitzy London. I won't go into all the gory details, but this scandal is not over by far. As soon as the woman at the center of this media storm -- the 38-year-old Faria Alam -- sells her story to a British newspaper, the whole sordid affair will hit the fan all over again. Sven should be talking soccer, but sadly everyone will be asking about his sex life instead.

England has key World Cup qualifying games coming up in a month and a distracted coach is a hopeless coach. Sven you let us down. This is not the first time your romantic cheating has made the front pages. We forgave you the first time, but you failed to learn the lesson. It's time to bow out.

Two former England coaches -- Terry Venables and Glenn Hoddle -- were both booted out over scandals. Venables because of a libel court case brought against him by Tottenham Hotspur's owner and Hoddle over insensitive comments about the handicapped. But those coaches never created the media frenzy like Eriksson's latest affair.

As Bill Shakespeare, that former talented center forward of the Stratford-upon-Avon Writers Football team, once said after destroying an opponents defense: "What a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive."

Meantime, it seems to be the season of coaching changes with some fine fresh faces coming on to the scene. Dutch star Marco van Basten was recently named the coach of the Netherlands' national team, while German star Juergen Klinsmann, a former technical adviser to the Los Angeles Galaxy, was named the new German team coach.

So Major League Soccer, that unique American league keeps growing. MLS unveiled a new team Monday that will be based at the Home Depot Center in Carson, Calif. The club, tentatively named Chivas USA, will share the soccer-specific stadium with the Los Angles Galaxy.

The club will be operated by Mexican businessmen Jorge Vergara, owner of the fabled Mexican franchise Chivas de Guadalajara, and Antonio Cue. Last month, MLS awarded am expansion franchise to Salt Lake City. How Chivas will operate remains to be seen. The club will likely have many Mexicans player, but MLS rules allow only three senior international players per team, though those with United States green card do not count as foreigners. Which begs the question, must a players speak Spanish to play on this team or have Hispanic lineage?

Say in ain't so. England midfielder Paul Scholes stunned the soccer world this week when he retired from international competition. Scholes last played for England at Euro 2004 in Portugal. The 29-year-old scored 14 goals in 66 games in his England career which began in 1997.

American soccer poster-boy Landon Donovan apparently has a bad side. The San Jose Earthquakes forward has been suspended for tomorrow's game against D.C. United and fined $1,000 for post-game dissent following his team's 2-2 draw with the New England Revolution at Spartan Stadium on Saturday, July 24.

Donovan, probably the U.S. soccer team's brightest star, was caught making a rude gesture at a game official. Heaven forbid.

Roger Allaway writes: "I am willing to concede to (world governing body FIFA president Sepp) Blatter the idea that the Chinese invented kicking a ball around. But that's not the same thing as inventing soccer. This is nothing but a mildly humorous curiosity, but I believe that the sun still doesn't set on the British Empire. The Empire now consists of a few islands here and there, but those islands are very widely spread, most crucially Pitcairn in the Pacific; Bermuda, the Falklands and others in the Atlantic; and Diego Garcia and others in the Indian Ocean. The result is that while the British Empire now contains less land area than the American state of New Jersey, I think it is still true that the sun never sets on it."

Patrick Dintino says: "Cheers, Mad Brit. It just shows Blatter's ignorance of the history of the game. There can be no one country that claims ancient origins. There are many who kicked a ball around in ancient times including the Africans, Greeks, ancient North and South Americans, etc. A game called Pilimatum was played in Chile back in 1500 b.c. whereas Chinese characters, referring to a game called Cuju or Tsu Chu - 'to kick with the foot. . . a ball made of leather. . . to allow it to be kicked around for recreation' -- is attributed to 200 b.c. He should know better than to try and give one country the exclusive ancient origin of soccer.

"What a political goof! True, England organized the modern game through mob. . . and is (the) major (force) responsible for spreading the popularity of the sport, but most countries had some sort of game where a ball was kicked with the foot since before ancient times. What does Sepp have to do to get kicked out of office? Require the women players to go naked? Do away with draws? Why not just do away with offsides so we can watch the ball kicked end to end all day. How exciting. Surely there must be more important things for him to do like increase his own salary."

Peter L. Schmidt writes: "Hey, Mad Brit: Tell the boys at Chelsea that Darth Vader wants the uniforms back he bought for Storm Troopers United Football Club. Those were the ugliest uniforms I have ever seen. I wonder if Roman Abramovich's girl friend picked them."

Tom Patton writes: "Hi Mad Brit. What do you think of this Chivas L.A. thing, with the team only being allowed to speak Spanish? Imagine this in a vice versa situation. The United Nations would impose sanctions on the USA! Do you believe that the Home Depot could become a place for the disenfranchised, both white and Latino, to have a meet and greet similar to the Celtic\Rangers clashes of the not too distant past. I know (MLS) needs revenue and publicity, but riots don't do much for advertising revenues. ONLY IN AMERICA!"

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